The Story of the Pineapple Princess

I woke up this morning and when I went down to the kitchen, I smelled something weird, like a really fragrant fruit gone sour. It turned out that my sister and I completely forgot about the pineapple my parents brought us almost a week ago.

Let me tell you a story.

She was just sitting there by the stove, unaware of the mundane moments passing by within the walls of her lowly home. A little princess who lost everything: her strong, proud King and kind, loving Queen, her lovely, quiet maid who dressed her in frilly, pink gowns every morning before she meets her strict, uptight tutor, and the vast, forgotten kingdom she should have had inherited, had time stood still instead of flowing like the sea, washing away the sands of memory and antiquity. Alas, this poor multi-faceted princess was sitting still for so long; her bottoms had bled from the pressure of the cold, hard, floor pushing upwards on her immature, fragile hip bone. Time had yellowed her once pristine exterior and no doubt, from the foul smell that emanated from her, her flesh seemed to have had rotten from the inside. What fate awaits this poor girl? Will she be erased from memory, thrown away in a prison of neglect? Or will she be saved by a handsome young prince, or knight, or even if God forbid, a doctor who will free her bottoms from the shackles of disuse and necrosis?

***

Tonight, I peeled a pineapple for the first time in my 24 years of existence on this blessed Earth.

But thank God for the internet and people like instructor Robert Bleifer , normal Medicine students like me who grew up having pineapples cut for them, can cut pineapples for themselves on their own! Using a knife!

I had to cut out some of the rotten parts of the pineapple, but I think I saved most of it. It was kind of overripe though. Oh well.

***

My dear Babybutt,

I am so proud of myself for peeling a pineapple for the first time that I had to blog about it. I know you would be proud too… except that you probably would be disappointed because I am blogging instead of reading. I promise I will be studying after the next two words.

Love, Hunniepoo