Thursday, May 12, 2005


It's funny how i went to Caleruega last weekend hoping to get a couple of questions answered and coming back to good ol' Manila with the same questions unanswered.

It's true that I have gone back from the retreat with a clearer sense of who I am and what I want to do but still, the question of what to do in a span of a year before the next schoolyear starts is still bugging me, three days after communing with God and nature.

Those reading this post who knows me and heard my different stories about how I am going to the States this August, or how I am planning to enter a game design school in the States, or how I want to be a doctor will probably be rolling their eyes again and thinking, "What does this guy want to do now?"

And this is my answer: I might not be leaving for the US anymore and if that's the case, you might see me in Manila taking up Medicine next school year.

It's quite ironic how I couldn't see myself as a doctor when I was a kid and here I am wanting to be one. Check my gradeschool yearbook or ask any of my gradeschool classmates in Lucena City, and I would always say how I wanted to be a scientist. Haha! How innocent...

But then again, I am now a scientist. I am now an engineer. I am now what I wished for when I was a kid. Looking back though, I know that what I did not want to be was a doctor. I did not want to be like my mom and my dad who most of the time were not there... but are they really not there?

One of our activities during the retreat was to make a map of our lives, putting emphais on the important crossroads that we took. And one thing I realized that day was how I had taken forgranted of my parents, blaiming them for not being there when in fact it is clear that it is through their love and guidance that I am here right now.

I love my parents. And I want to be like them. It is only recently that I realized I wanted to be what they are: two devoted doctors who love their craft and their family just as much. People who tried their best and gave their all to keep us, their family, and the sick people they help happy.

So what to do? I am what I wanted to be... I guess I might just try being what I am now. *Sigh* there's far to many unsure things in my life and one of them is if I can keep this desire to be a doctor burning well until the next school year... I certainly hope so. And I ask for your prayers.

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